"Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you. Tie them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart." (Proverbs 3:3)
I stopped to reflect on this verse a few days ago. I approached this chapter of Proverbs asking the Lord to speak the truth into my heart that I so desperately needed to hear. As I read through, I kept going back to verse 3's "never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you." Curious. Not too long ago I asked several friends to help me with a self-evaluation. One of them mentioned my faithfulness as a friend, even to a fault when it might hurt my own feelings. I knew what she meant. It was true and I could totally see it. Lots of long stories there.
Remembering my college days, I had given up hours of sleep to be a listening ear, share endless advice and offer a shoulder to cry on for one devastated friend after another. Truthfully, I would've done it for anyone. I never asked for anything in return; I was just happy and willing to be there. I loved being the advice-giver. Still do. But one day I found myself hurled into a ball on my dorm room bunk bed, crying my eyes out. I needed someone to be there for me. To listen and talk, that's all. To be there. Just hours earlier, I was only to be met with a shoulder shrug of "I don't know" and a door in my face. Standing there on the other side of the door, I realized my faithfulness as a friend had failed me terribly.
Years later, I still remember the pain of that moment. The moments that led to being hurled into a ball and consoling myself are still very real. I felt as though I gave so much of me, remained loyal and constant in friendship, only to find myself alone like this.
I begged God to not make me this kind of friend anymore because it hurts and it's lonely. Then through tear-soaked eyes I gazed at the blue sky from my second floor window and the realization hit me..."Kameish, being a faithful friend is a part of who you are and you shouldn't change that." No doubt it was the Holy Spirit speaking words of comfort to my heart...a broken one. Then a smile. I still can feel the memory of that faint, knowing smile.
So this is me. Loyal and faithful, "to a fault" if you will, and I don't really think I can change it if I tried - nor do I care to. Reading Proverbs 3:3 affirms that crazy choice. Will I get hurt again by others? Sure will. But the difference now is that I know this trait reflects the One who IS Faithful; and regardless of the heartbreaks to come my way, He will always be faithful to me.
